In the Darkness
by BindA
Summary: One-shot. Remus is alone in the early hours of the morn, the desire to live completely lost...OotP spoiler!


Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own any of this. Imagine what a sick, sad place the world would be if I did. 

I've had this one for ages. Was feeling a bit depressed one night and this is what came from my little fingers. _Implied_ slash, kind of, I'll just put a warning there in case people get offended, and yes, this is dark. If you don't like it, don't tell me. I won't care. Don't read this if you haven't read OotP. If you do, you will find yourself horribly disappointed. 

**In the Darkness**

Four and a half hours he had watched the clock, as the seconds turned into minutes and as the minutes turned into hours. It felt like and eternity, sitting there watching as time slowly passed by with no reason or excuse, no excuse as to why it continued to exist while others could not. Time could so quickly take a life as fast as it had given one. Bastard. 

Remus Lupin sighed, sat up in bed and peered into the heavily darkened room. The thick, black velvet curtains were to prevent any light seeping through the grimy windows and illuminate the room that already held a depressive milieu. Of course, nothing less could be expected when it belonged to a man who secured a broken heart. It was only natural. 

Pointlessly, Remus thought, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and buried his head in his hands. His life had fallen apart since Sirius had gone, and although he had him for only such a short time compared to when they were younger, their time together had been valued all the same. Remus silently sobbed into his hands as images of Sirius filled the darkness behind his eyes. His Sirius. 

Remus hated time. He hated it because it had taken Sirius away, he hated it because he could not turn it back and save Sirius and he hated it because it kept passing him by. Why should he exist when he had lost the will to live? Would it not be better to give life to the man he loved and die then to be sitting here with no motivation, no inspiration, nothing? The pain was growing harsher each day that went on, and Remus was finding it harder to get up in the morning, brush the grey hair out of his eyes and face the worthless day he was forced to live repeatedly.

He continued to sob, for he knew of nothing else. There was nothing else for him to do, nothing else for him to feel. This was how it was going to be every single day until God took mercy on him. Feeling nothing but sorrow right down to the blood running through his veins, he stood shakily and breathed deeply. 

Crossing the room, Remus knew he was acting irrationally. However, he had lost the impulse to live to the point that he was willing to take his own life. For all the time he had been breathing, he had never known a pain so strong, yet a pain so weak. He just wanted it to stop. He didn't care what it took. 

He paused when he got to his duchess and stared at his reflection. His eyes were cold and dark, so unlike the eyes he had ever looked into before. They were glassy; he was looking into nothing more than a misty window. Tears pricked at his eyes, but he was so used to the pain it was almost addicting. His face looked old and sad; telling the story of something he was wistful for.

 He pried one of the drawers open and shuffled through until his hands fell on what he was searching for. He took a few deep breaths and closed the drawer again. Tears were falling freely down his face now, following each other in a trail of misery and anguish. He strode across the room back to his bed, and he sat upon it cross-legged. He set the tarnished box in his lap and lifted the lid. A musty smell filled his nostrils and he began to feel sick in his stomach. His hands were shaking as he took the one bottle from inside, closed the lid and put the box on the ground. 

_"Promise me that if it ever gets too much, we'll use it. We'll get out of here, Remus. You and me."_

Sobs wracked his body as the memory filled his mind. Seventeen years ago when Remus had been so alone, Sirius had made a promise. Perhaps it was the promise that had kept him alive for so long and perhaps it was the promise that was going to kill him. Remus did not care anymore. The pain was too much.

"I promise," he whispered, brushing away the tears from his face. "I promise."

He uncorked the bottle, and brought it to his lips. He threw his head back and swallowed the bitter liquid. Immediately it felt as though someone had clamped their hands over his mouth and nose. He could not breathe.

And as his head hit the pillow, a small smile died on his face. It was a smile of nothing more than the peace and solace that he had been searching for since Sirius had left him. There was nothing more to say, for he knew it as he closed his eyes and let the darkness take him one final time. 

It was going to be all right. 


End file.
